December 30, 2005

Be a part of the Nick Turner experience

Nick Turner is now taking suggestions. If you have a question for Nick Turner or simply a topic you think I should talk about. You know, for example, you wanna hear me talk about pants. You leave me a comment saying something like, "Hey what are your opinions on pants?" or just, "pants...huh?"
Then I'll write an entry that says something like, "Man I love pants...pants are good because...pants pants pants," and so on,
Do you see how fun this is gonna be? Let's do this America!

Poker Night Two!

Poker Night is returning on the 17th of January! Look out for more details. Look out!

December 21, 2005

Nick Turner Moves to Astoria!...again

Nick Turner will soon be living in a brand new apartment!(well, I don't know if it's brand new - the stains on the carpet tell a much different story)
For a change of pace, this new apartment is located in Astoria. Just like my current apartment. And my last apartment. And my first apartment in NYC was also in Astoria. I guess what I'm saying is that I was lying to you at the top of the paragraph when I said it was going to be a change of pace. If you want to read some blog that's not gonna lie to you,'re reading the wrong blog.
Anyway, the rest of this is the truth. One of the two dudes in the apartment actually went to high school with some friends of mine that had me in their wedding party last year. How f'n crazy is that? Give up? Well I'll tell you. VERY f'n crazy! Shout out to Jason and Lisa! MUL-NEE! What up, Fairfax, Virginia! Sorry about that to everyone who isn't them.
This concludes a long search for an apartment that had me at the end of my rope. This isn't that unusual, however, as my rope is shockingly short. But I get that from my Dad. Thanks for the short fuse, dad! Or rope, I mean.
Fuse-Rope, Oprah-Uma, Let's call the whole the off!
I'm back. This particular apartment search was the worst one yet. And as this will be my eighth apartment in NYC, I've had a lot of tough searches. This search saw an unprecedented number of people turn me down after meeting me. This included two lesbians, on gay guy, one musician, one chef, some other guy(I can't remember anything about him), one unemployed chick, and one self-proclaimed tomboy(read: third lesbian).
But I finally found one with two (seemingly) chill guys and I couldn't be more relieved. Ditmars Avenue, bitches. Ditmars Avenue.

December 15, 2005

Google Sucks

Now I'm like 35th. Shut up.

December 14, 2005

Ask Nick Turner: Fashion

Alot of people look to me to answer their fashion questions. Being someone that people look up to fashion-sense wise has always been very inportant to me. When it comes to fashion, I am somewhat of a trendsetter. But I also follow fashion trends closely so I can follow the good ones. "Which trends are follow worthy?" is a question people sometimes ask me, due to my high fashion sensibilities. I answer those people's questions with responses that are to their liking.

Questions I have been hearing lately have had a lot to do with winter clothing and, more importantly, whether or not the knit cap is worth it. My response to this query is simple. No matter how cold it is outside it is never cold enough to justify messing up your do. Thanks everyone!

To those of you who say that this has been the most rediculous post ever, I say to you this:

"You may be correct!" -GOD

Wow, I am a wierdo. Please don't let this post deter you from visiting this site in the future. As you can tell by my constant google updates, I am desperate for friends. SO DESPERATE!

December 12, 2005

Google Ranking: 13!

I wanna thank everyone in the world for their support during this rocket ship ride to the top. I'm 13th, bitches! 13!

December 09, 2005

Poker Night Came (but not in that way)

So our first hand of Poker Night happened on Tuesday and it was, as far as I could tell, a success. My account may be a bit blurred, however, as I was knockin' on death's door with a hell of a flu virus that came that morning. Perfect timing, God! Don't worry, God doesn't mind. He gets blamed for everything.

Thank you everyone that came out and of course to the three fabulous performers. Christian, John and Jack Kukoda(not Kristen Schaal, for she was out filming a movie. Well, woo-tee-too-tee-doo. Look who's filming a big movie. Too good to perform at our humble little show. I should say though that I would have ditched the show for a gift certificate to Applebee's. I have no loyalty.) But for reals, Jack's a fuckin' superstar and we were very grateful he could fill in.

I wish I had pictures but I was just lucky to be able to keep my composure during the show. But the show must go on, right? Wrong. The show didn't need to go on. It's just a show. I mean what the fuck kinda logic is that. The world won't end if someone doesn't show up to a show. Especially one with two other hosts. No one would have missed me for a second. I should have stayed in bed, but I'm a spotlight craving whore and I would never miss this opportunity. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm horrible at recapping a show.

Since I don't have any pictures of the show here's this:

December 06, 2005

Poker Night is Coming!

Nick Turner, Dustin D'Addato and Shayna Ferm present:

Tuesday, December 6th

Christian Finnegan("Best Week Ever", "Comedy Central Presents", "Chappelle's Show")
Kristen Schaal ("Hot Tub", New York Magazine's "10 Funniest New Yorker's You've Never Heard Of")
John Mulaney ("Thursday" at Rififi, "I Love the 30's")

Our new soon to be weekly stand-up/variety show is kicking off in a big way. In addition to Katherine Bryant on the turntables, we'll have some stand up, some songs, maybe some giveaways, maybe a moose, some laughs and some beers. And it's free, bitches. Come check it out @:

  • Ace of Clubs
  • (Under Acme Underground)
    9 Great Jones St. (3rd btwn Broadway and Lafayette)
    8:00 pm
    Tuesday, December 6th

    *There probably won't be a moose

    December 05, 2005

    Google Ranking Update: 29!

    Hey, literally everyone in the world. I apologize for being just another statistic in this whole googling phenomenon, but it really is consuming my whole life. I am awful. Before I started this blog, well, I didn't even have a computer. Coupled with the fact that I have one of the top ten most generic names in history, googling Nick Turner was nothing more than a pipe dream. Out of the six million websites that come up, the highest I had ever seen myself was at number 86 (this means that the first 85 websites to come up were about other Nick Turners) for a review of a childen's play I did in a garden on the upper west side. Then two weeks ago I discovered this blog was 67. Last week; 52. Now; 29. Why do I care. BECAUSE I'M VAIN! I'm a selfish, applause craving whore of a comedian. This is the life I chose and now I'm living it to it's fullest charged with low self-esteem and chart busting arrogance. 29!