November 28, 2005

Nick Turner Takes the Train!

Everybody in the world, listen up. On a recent trip home (not really home but a city that I have spent a great deal of time in and where my parents and my brother now reside) I, Nick Turner travelled with the classies...ON A TRAIN! Yeah that's right, ole' Greyhound Turner has moved up a notch on the belthole of life (belthole? yeah, why not. Belthole!).

November 26, 2005

November 21, 2005

Nick Turner in an internet commercial!

Psst...everybody. Are you aware that I'm completely blowin' up? Well I am. I am! Well, then how do you explain me being in an awesome commercial airing exclusively on a Dog Show website? Don't believe me? Check out
  • Dog Show USA

  • I'm in Webisode four.

    November 20, 2005

    Google Ranking: 67!

    Nick Turner is a comedian based in New York City. This blog is the 67th most popular website when googling Nick Turner! I know, I AM awesome.

    Nick Turner goes to Brooklyn twice in one day!

    He did it everybody! He did it! He broke the record for number of times any Queens resident has successfully made the most treacherous round-trip this side of the Hudson River.
    "Even I never thought it could be done. But I done it," said Nick, a resident of Astoria, Queens, upon returning home early Sunday morning, back from his second trip into the Heart of Darkness - a party in Brooklyn's Boerum Hill.
    Nick had visited the borough earlier in the day to shoot a tiny part in a Channel 102 hopeful. "When I say tiny, I mean that I get sugar thrown in my face and I fall down. That is literally my entire part. I came to Brooklyn for this? Actually, I am glad to have any part, however small. Boy, I sure am ungrateful," Nick was said to have muttered under his breath.
    Nick would have stayed longer at the party Saturday night but had to leave early, due to the fact that he had to be at work early on Monday morning and wanted to give himself at least 30 hours to make the full trip.
    Nick concluded the press conference by stating, "I'm not saying it wasn't worth it, but you know how sometines you have drink tomato juice every once in a while just to remind yourself that it tastes horrible? Well, that's why I go to Brooklyn. Because of it's horrible taste."

    November 14, 2005

    Nick Turner refuses to blog more often!

    Hello, everybody in the world. Today Nick's got some beef that he needs to address. What's up with all these people who feel the need to blog every day? Nobody's is so interesting or insightful that they need to blog every day. I mean, I am arguably the most interesting person that ever lived, but I don't even have that much interesting crap to talk about. It's not uncommon for me to go an entire weekend without even moving. Trust me, I am not making this up. What are all of these people doing! I've walked around the city and I don't see that many people doing anything that interesting. All I see are people moving arbitrarily around the city with no destination. They are simply giving the appearance of some busy life they lead where people are counting on them and they cant be late!

    I DON'T BUY IT! I'll call your bullshit, every other blogger in the world. I'll be your Huckleberry. What are you doing that's so important?

    Anyway, what I'm saying is that I refuse to compromise the high quality of this blog. If my art drives me to create on canvases that are not a computer, then so be it. Computers are so impersonal. If you want to know what I'm up to just give me a call. And no I will not give you my phone number because you're creepy. For just read my blog. But for everyone me. I'm a human being!

    oh, and also, November 2nd was a Wednesday.

    November 02, 2005

    Hello, Tuesday November 2nd!