April 20, 2006

I'm back from tour (but still not back)

I realize it's been a while since I posted an actual Nick Turner Fight! But I've been on tour with the play "I'm Gonna Kill the President and that was way more work then I thought it was going to be.

Some Highlights from the tour:


-Incited a riot in Kalamazoo, Michigan

-Sent a man we believed to be an undercover law enforcement officer home on a Greyhound Bus

-Played for 200 people in an 80 seat space

-Played for 11 people in Madison, Wisconsin

-Hated each other

-Loved each other (just kidding)

-traveled 7000 miles

-absolutely destroyed a brand new rental van

-popped a tire in Lovelock, Nevada (the creepiest town in america; named for the town prison; has white, teenage, girl gang members complete with doo rags)

-performed in a co-op house inhabited by thirty people with names like Zylon, Spike, and Echo

-did not sleep in co-op house due to thinking cat piss-stained couches and mattresses are fucking gross

-did not drink nearly enough

-canceled one show when no one showed up. I don't mean no one, like five people; I mean no one like no one. Thanks, Mendicino!

-were annoyed often

Here's to touring with people you don't already know!!
If anyone you know lives in LA and doesn't hate themselves, tell them to come see this show. It opens here on April 28th and closes June 3rd. Also, I'm hilarious. Bye.

April 17, 2006

I'm the #1 Nick Turner In America!

Well, if you've been following this blog from the beginning, you know that I'm obsessed with my google rankings. I haven't reported on it in a while, because I was waiting for something big to happen. It happened. I am now the #1 Nick turner in America. And I'm only two Nick Turners away from being the #1 Nick Turner in the world. Fuck You Singer-Songwriter Nick Turner. You're Next.
Earlier I started a Nick Turner fight with the *cough* "#1 Nick Turner in the World." You can read that email here. He never wrote me back. He was a pussy. Sitting in his ivory tower, thinking no one could ever threaten his crown. This is the ultimate Nick Turner Fight. The fight for world domination. Some Tech Geek cannot hold my crown for long. Go USA!