April 20, 2006

I'm back from tour (but still not back)

I realize it's been a while since I posted an actual Nick Turner Fight! But I've been on tour with the play "I'm Gonna Kill the President and that was way more work then I thought it was going to be.

Some Highlights from the tour:


-Incited a riot in Kalamazoo, Michigan

-Sent a man we believed to be an undercover law enforcement officer home on a Greyhound Bus

-Played for 200 people in an 80 seat space

-Played for 11 people in Madison, Wisconsin

-Hated each other

-Loved each other (just kidding)

-traveled 7000 miles

-absolutely destroyed a brand new rental van

-popped a tire in Lovelock, Nevada (the creepiest town in america; named for the town prison; has white, teenage, girl gang members complete with doo rags)

-performed in a co-op house inhabited by thirty people with names like Zylon, Spike, and Echo

-did not sleep in co-op house due to thinking cat piss-stained couches and mattresses are fucking gross

-did not drink nearly enough

-canceled one show when no one showed up. I don't mean no one, like five people; I mean no one like no one. Thanks, Mendicino!

-were annoyed often

Here's to touring with people you don't already know!!
If anyone you know lives in LA and doesn't hate themselves, tell them to come see this show. It opens here on April 28th and closes June 3rd. Also, I'm hilarious. Bye.


At 4:41 PM, Anonymous Doug Bretz said...


Glad to see you are now #1 in the USA!! Only 2 more rungs to #1. Sounds like your life has been like a merry go round lately.

Your Mom and Dad are planning to visit in a few weeks, I am sure they will share some great stories from your tour.

Doug Bretz

At 6:14 PM, Anonymous Nick Turner said...

Interesting to see another Nick Turner has been to Mendicino. S'ok buddy, no-one showed up to see me either....cept a 22lb salmon, whose name was Geoffrey Turner; that was a near coincidence! There was another great coincidence happened there too...well Fort Bragg...will let you know one day.

I don't mind one little bit if you're #1 Nick Turner in the colonies; it's sweet what you get up to over there.

Now be nice and I may let you have my web address and then truly you will have Nick Turner art for your collection!

That country singer is not the first musical Nick Turner either. Ever hear of a band from the 1970's called Hawkwind?

Yours in truth and beauty

Nick Turner

At 5:31 PM, Anonymous EC Holden said...


Bring the show to fremont! Hijack the fucking van and you can do the show on my porch on a friday night. Hell! If you want, I can arrange for a bar to have you perform.

At 10:36 PM, Anonymous Dad said...

That's my boy! I taught him everything he knows, except the foul language.


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