October 20, 2005

Nick's Picks October

It has recently come to my attention that there are very few people who even know the name Eric "Badlands" Booker. Why is this an atrocity? The fact that you just asked me that question is an atrocity. Badlands is a competitive eater. He is a professional. I don't know what you do but I bet you're not a pro at it. I'm sorry I yelled at you, it's just that the IFOCE(the sanctioning body of competitve eating) runs the best sport in the world and you guys need to learn it, love it, or leave it(America that is).
Badlands is my favorite eater for two reasons: A) He is American and fat. Not Japanese and skinny. I like my eaters like I like my bowlers. American and fat. Eaters are fat. They aren't skinny. If you're from Japan, you're not American. If you're Japanese and skinny, I wouldn't call you my favorite. I would call you my favorite if you were fat and American. Fat. Not skinny. American, not Japanese. B) He is black. If you know me you know that I will take any opportunity to choose a black guy over a white guy so as not to seem racist.

He even keeps his cool in the middle of a douche parade! What a guy. That is why I nominate Eric "Badlands" Booker for Nick's Pick for the month of our lord, October.


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