February 16, 2007

What's up with singer/songwriter Nick Turner ridin' my ass?

So there he is out in front. Nick Turner: Singer/Songwriter." What a sensitive soul. Clearly he has made it. What part of recording in a barn DOESN'T say, "Watch out world, here I come?" Not only is he quite obviously recording in a barn but it looks like his producer is mixing with one hand and holding a baby goat(?) in is other hand. So what that says to me is that not only is that guy a producing genious, but he probably also owns a barn, making him wholly qualified to produce an album of classics from the one of many, Nick Turner: Singer/Songwriter.

Now, obviously this recording session produced musical gold and the only thing left to do is promote, promote, promote. And promote he has. Unfortunately his promotional tactics seem to include not much more than posting a series of ads on my myspace page. Here are some of the comments he has posted on my page:


Aug 21, 2006 1:04 PM

Hi Nick Turner,

This is Nick Turner from the UK

Check out my song Space Dude


Nick Turner

Mansfield UK

That's cool. Right on, I'll check that shit out. Sounds great. Not sure why that message needed so many spaces, though. Also not sure if the song is called "Space Dude" or if you are referring to me as "Space Dude" but either is cool with me. You are a cool dude, Mr. Nick Turner.

The World's Most Famous Nick Turner


Aug 24, 2006 1:20 PM

Hi Nick,

From Nick Turner

in the UK.

Um...Hello. Kinda seems like we already did this but, whatever buddy! Good to talk to you.

The World's Most Famous Nick Turner


Sep 20, 2006 10:29 AM

Hi Nick Turner

form(sic) Nick Turner

in the UK!

Ok, we definitely already did this, but hello. Also, last time you spelled "from" correctly. This time - not so much. Whatever! I ain't no stickler for grammar. Just to be sure so we don't have to keep doing this: I'm Nick Turner. You are Nick Turner. You live in the UK. Established. Let's put this thing to bed. Also, I already know about your song Space Dude, so that doesn't need to be brought up again either. Cool.

The World's Most Famous Nick Turner


Sep 20, 2006 10:29 AM

Hi Nick Turner from Nick Turner


Nottinghamshire UK

I have a song about the Ibiza night clubs in spain called Space Dude

It is quike a novelty, check it out.

Nick Turner

What did I just say!? Good Lord, you don't listen. I already know about your goddamn song! What is wrong with you. You want me to like you? Fine! I like you! I'll go out with you! I will give you a footrub while we listen to "Space Dude" in the background! Man you are needy! And what is up with all of those spaces? Come on, this comment was unneccessarily long. What are you doing to me? Are you alright ? Geez! Also, is "quike" some English word or something?

The World's most famous Nick Turner


So that's the story of Nick Turner UK. You really should check out his music though because he has great songs with titles like, "I Like Mansfield." What a genious. He's from Mansfield, he is fond of where he comes from, and the man does not mince words. What better way to get your point across? Good luck, Space Dude!